I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
