ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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