she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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