She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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