Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
