Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just google imaged poop.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
