i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
