Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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