I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
