Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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