Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
