I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
