I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
