Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
