She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
