Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
