I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
