Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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