When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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