I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
