maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
