well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I checked into jail on foursquare
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
