Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
