i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
