either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
