This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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