I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
