Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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