is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
