I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
