She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
