Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
