evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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