I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They took my balls.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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