She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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