now i know why i became what i already was.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
