Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
