Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
