Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
