I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
