first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize