i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
