I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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