that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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