She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
