hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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