It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
