RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
