R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize