my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
