Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
