Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I AM VODKA MAN
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