I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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