I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
