Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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