If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
