Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I love you.
Bad choice
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
