She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
do nipples grow back?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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