Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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