so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
