Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
