You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
