did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
