I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
