upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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