I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
do herpes really smell.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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